I don’t listen to every episode of the James Altucher podcast (to be fair, I don’t listen to every episode of any podcast; I skip liberally, preferring to spend quality time with audiobooks from Audible). Anyway, I quite enjoyed Ep. 296 – Linda Papadopoulos: Validation: Why It’s Dangerous…. I listened for thoughts on her book Unfollow: Living Life on Your Own Terms, but stayed for What Men Say, What Women Hear.
Now that the book is on my Kindle, a few notes from the podcast:
- In a relationship, if you argue for contempt, it would be highly likely that it leads to an end.
- What is contempt? Having a lack of respect, disregard for the other party, belittling the other party, and so on.
- Arguing is fine, if you argue to grow
- If you’re in the above bucket, restructure the way you’re communicating to have a better relationship.
James Altucher also said that men like to solve problems, and Linda Papadopoulos replies that generally women just want to air their problems, not come up with solutions. Maybe we are truly wired differently?
I listen to podcasts when I can’t otherwise read (i.e. when driving a car, walking thru an airport, etc.), and have to admit that I occasionally take rough notes in a Field Notes notebook (I got a subscription). Seems “safer” than using your mobile phone and driving, eh?
Upon reaching my laptop, I decided to research a little more on contempt. How Contempt Destroys Relationships is definitely a good read, because it simplifies things a lot – a mix of emotions: disgust & anger. Listen to understand. Focus on positivity: appreciation, gratitude, affection, agreement, interest and smiles. “Dump the contempt. Listen well. And pump up the positivity!”
Another interesting link that popped up? Avoiding the “four horsemen” in relationships. For one, I’m impressed by the entire site from Berkeley, Greater Good in Action. Avoid criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — there are always alternatives.
It’s never too late to learn new things, and this for me is part of how I plan to improve in 2018; understanding people better, and hopefully moving on from an INTJ to an ENTJ (go on, get the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) – plenty of them exist online too). It is claimed that your personality type is inborn, but you can develop traits and habits that differ or contradict the description of type; so it should be possible to become an Extrovert even if naturally Introverted. Further reading: is it possible to change your personality type?.